Wines and Spices: Recreating and Refreshing Your Marital Bliss

Wines and Spices: Recreating and Refreshing Your Marital Bliss

By Comfort Umoren-Olorunnisomo

Most people believe a perfect home only exist in movies and novels. Some say ‘oh, you can’t have it all’ or ‘there is no marriage without its problem(s).’ With the increasing rate of divorce and odd stories about marriage, one would want to agree with this school of thought. Marriage is the coming together of two ADULTS who are emotionally, physically and psychologically mature to start a home and journey TOGETHER through life’s rough road.

The beginning is usually filled with butterflies in the stomach, heart pounding and breath-taking moments filled with flowers, wines, romance and love among others. What happens when the butterflies all die a little too soon? What can be done when there is no love fuel to keep the heart racing, when those breath-taking moments are remembered with a loud sad yawn? It takes two understanding hearts, commitment and sacrifices to make a marriage work yet SEX, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION and MONEY/FINANCE play very vital roles in keeping the wine ever fresh.

Research has established that issues surrounding sex, communication and money are major causes of divorce and crises in most marriages in the world. These three can also be described as ordinary yet strong as when properly managed, tend to contribute immensely to the growth and success of a marriage. If you are married, about to be married or hope to get married someday, then, this article is for you as I take you on a voyage to the world of marital bliss from the male and female perspectives. Issues on sex, money and communication in marriage would be extensively discussed in episodes and trust me when I say we aint gonna shy away from ANYTHING. This episode is centred on WOMEN.

SEX

Sex is a powerful act and that was why God commanded we engaged in it within the marriage context. It is a physical act with spiritual underpinnings. There seems to be this inexplainable decline or loss of interest in sexual activities between couples usually from the woman's side. This could be as a result of childbirth, age and a traumatic or boring sexual experience. Experts explain this as emotional, physical, psychological stress or a decrease in the level of oestrogen and progesterone among other reasons (Health engine, 2008; Pryor, 2014 and Mulroy, 2016).

While these reasons may be true, it is neither normal to watch your sex life gradually die, expect a miracle to happen nor starve your partner of sex and expect them to stay celibate for the remaining part of his lives especially in this world of temptations. However, do not fret, you are not alone in this, ‘I gat you.’ For this episode, we will be looking at how as a woman, you can spice things up in the bedroom this valentine period and beyond.

The first step is acknowledging that a boring or inactive sex life is a problem in your marriage. As long as you and your spouse do not want to become just flatmates, there is need to identify the problem. Don’t feel shy to talk about sex related issues with your spouse. You could start by sharing this article with him and ask what he thinks as most men feel comfortable knowing you read stuff like this online than knowing you discussed it with friends. The problem is that in most cases, we feel shy or consider it inappropriate or a sin to talk about sex especially with our spouses, yet we engage in it. This person is your friend/partner/companion, so, initiating the conversation shouldn’t make you feel dirty or less of a woman. I know some women would say there are other important things to think about and do or that they already have kids or they are too old to bother about sex, while this may be true, your marriage is also a big issue as contributing to make it work will also make you happy. Be willing to make adjustments and sacrifices to (re)ignite the fire in your marriage (again). This will take from your limited time, energy and sometimes your money, however, be determined to play well your part.

I know there is hardly enough time as a woman to rest since we have to take care of the home front, go to work and use the remaining few hours to rest but did I mention that pleasurable sex with your husband is one sure way of relieving stress. Reigniting the old flame or sparking up a new one requires determination and sacrifices. It starts with feeling sexy, this is both a thing of the mind and body. If you are overweight, work on your weight, if need be. You don’t have to be skinny to be sexy, appreciate your body regardless of your shape, complexion or body marks. Start with simple exercises like kegal exercise, yoga and other exercises that can make you flexible enough for the task ahead. This will enhance your movement while exploring several sexual positions until you get the ones that are most enjoyable to you and your partner. Missionary (man on the woman) is the only style most couples practice and doing this for years can be boring. Interestingly, most women opine that other sexual positions are sinful and/or should only be practiced with call girls yet they cry wolf when their husbands patronize these call girls. I strongly frown against infidelity in marriage but we women must also be creative, receptive to change and move with the trend of things by acting well our part. We sometimes, feel too comfortable and satisfied with our present ‘performance’ and assume our spouses too are satisfied thereby not learning new things or ways to please them. Always leave room for improvement by reading wide, being creative and trying out new things while you enjoy the husband of your youth or old age.

The kegal exercise helps to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles which are responsible for vaginal tightness (Firstcry Parenting, 2017). It supports the uterus, bladder, small intestine and rectum. It is done by sitting, squatting or lying down. Make sure your bladder is empty, then tighten your pelvic floor muscle by pretending to hold back urine, do this for 3-5 seconds then relax your muscles (as if releasing yourself to urinate) for another 3-5 seconds. Repeat this as often as you can all through the day. The pictures below show kegal exercise positions, yoga and other exercises you can engage in for fitness and flexibility.

Photo credit: Live strong

After this, shop for the perfect matching sexy undies or just improvise on the ones you have but make sure they are sexy and comfy. Go for colours that are hot and sexy – red, black, white or any colour that makes you feel sexy. If you can, get scented candles and perfumes. To create the perfect atmosphere to strike, keep the house clean, browse for cool romantic songs and/or film that can help you set the mood for the night. If you don’t know where or how to start, send him dirty but sensual messages of what you would do to him when he returns. If this is something you don’t usually do, trust me this would make him rush home or call to find out what is wrong or who the text was intended for. Ignore the calls and send him more messages to come home early enough to find out.

Welcome him back home with a little gift (if you can) and a wet peck, help him undress and guide him to the bathroom while a cool slow music plays almost silently in the background with little light in the room, preferably, your bedroom; away from the prying eyes of the kids.

At this stage take things slowly. You could start with a body/foot massage, kissing, lip sync/dance to the music playing in the background while he watches or joins you, play a game or even make a toast to your new sex life/adventure, whichever works better for you, and let the spirit lead you through the rest. Please and please avoid going back to your old boring style. Here are a couple of sex positions to try, you can be creative by adding or creating your own styles. No need to feel shy or sinful as he is YOUR husband and trust me every man wants a good cook in the kitchen, a wife at home, a good mum to the kids and a whore in bed, all in one woman. So let loose, if you don’t do this for/with him who else would (you do it with)? Besides, you also stand to enjoy from it!

Photo credit: Tori.ng

Note that these sex activities should be done frequently, atleast 1-3 times in a week in any part of the house not necessarily the bedroom but definitely away from the eyes of your children. Come up with secret codes and/or signals understood by only both of you to communicate your sexual state of mind/activities when in the company of others without them decoding the meaning.

Lastly, from time to time, send love messages, appreciate things he does or how he looks or say sweet things to your husband before he leaves for work, while he’s at work or when he’s at home as no man is too old to hear these things or be appreciated.

I wish you and your spouse a remarkable and enjoyable valentine and beyond.

Watch out for the male angle episode this Thursday and subsequent episodes on communication and money next week...see you soon.

Please put in your comments in the box below or email me at unwindwithkam4t@gmail.com