10 Common Deal Breakers in Intimate Relationships

10 Common Deal Breakers in Intimate Relationships

Comfort Umoren-Olorunnisomo

Photo credit: A conscious rethink

Relationship experts have identified several deal breakers and red flags which can and has led to the end of many relationships. An online survey I carried out also affirmed some of these deal breakers. Deal breakers in intimate relationships are traits, personalities or behaviours in a partner that could signal the end of the relationship if detected by the other partner. They are usually things the other person cannot accept, compromise on or tolerate in the other person. Relationships from dating to courtship to marriage can be bitter-sweet as it involves two people from different backgrounds, experiences and worldviews striving to understand and be there for each other through life. Sometimes, things get rosier but some other times, messier.

In spite of these, some relationships still make it to the ‘forever’ finishing line while some die during or before they even start because of these die hard attitudes and behaviours. Hence, it is extremely important to discuss deal breakers while dating so that the other person can either adjust to or walk away at the early stage of the relationship. From the online survey conducted, these are some deal breakers common among both married and unmarried couples:

  1. Infidelity

The deal breaker common among respondents was unfaithfulness. This is nonnegotiable for many as they believe once a cheater, always a cheater. This has led to the end of many dating relationships, courtships and even marriages. While some people can forgive this act of betrayal, some others cannot live with the thought of it as it can affect one’s physical and emotional well being. There has been several cases of murder, suicide, mental breakdown, divorce and/or lack of trust after the discovery of cheating by a partner. When this is discussed as a deal breaker from the onset of the relationship, it, to an extent, prepares the mind of the other against it especially if they genuinely care for you and wouldn’t want to lose you.

  1. Abusive/Violent Tendencies

Photo credit: Sunshine hollistic counselling

It is important to define what your no-no in a relationship is and be sensitive to these red flags else then decide what to do afterwards, else, it becomes more prominent in marriage. One who cannot contain his/her anger may turn to physical abuse (human or property), emotional abuse (verbal, mental or psychological) or sexual abuse to vent their anger. It starts with voice being raised to destroying nearby items to being uncontrollable. These are usually tell-tale signs of future domestic abuse, while some may still endure with the hope of a change; it is advisable to break the deal especially during dating/courtship. A broken courtship, they say, is better than a broken marriage because in marriage, there are lots of things at stake especially, when it involves children.

  1. Values

Photo credit: Elite Blog Academy

As you get to know your new found love, observation and honest discussions are key to determining if you both share same core values such as integrity, love and respect for family and others, responsibility, honesty, service and selflessness among others. When the beauty and attraction begins to fade, it is the character and values that keeps the relationship going in years to come. Difference in core values may lead to chaos in the nearest future when the candle lights and the music are long gone. So, from the start, observe and talk about your core values and things you hold dear, so you are both on the same page, after all, two cannot walk together except they agree.

  1. Money related issues

Money makes the world go round, this movement can go clockwise or anticlockwise. Issues around spending and saving can be a huge deal breaker to some. Marriage and relationship experts have identified money related issues as one of the major causes of divorce in recent times. While a partner may be extravagant, the other may be frugal, while one may believe in spending money as it comes, the other may be a die-hard planner and saver and lastly, while one believes in joint account for the family, the other may prefer separate accounts and as a result, arguments on ‘My’ money, ‘OUR’ money and other financial security/management related issues, put strains in the relationship thereby, sometimes, leading to irreconcilable differences. To avert this in the future, most people at the early stage of dating run away from people with differing opinions on money related issues.

Photo credit: Alamy stock

Each person’s deal breaker differs. What constitutes unforgivable and intolerable to one may not be much of an issue with another. Detecting and discussing your deal breakers with your future partner helps you to be proactive against future heartbreaks and misunderstanding as it can make both parties agree to work on themselves, rethink or readjust your stances to make the relationship work or simply part ways if an understanding cannot be reached especially while the relationship is still early.

Watch out for other deal breakers in the next episode. Stay safe!

Comments

  1. Ajibola OluwaseyiJuly 16, 2020 at 9:14 AM

    Please, let it be, "Monday Monday Tonic" a weekly deal for uniqueness of any relationships

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dejiman Insights ColumnJuly 16, 2020 at 9:57 AM

    Wow! What an eye-opener. Weldone ma.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unwind with KAM4TJuly 16, 2020 at 11:47 PM

      Thank you and I hope you shared with your friends and loved ones. Cheers!

      Delete

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