Episode II: 10 Common Deal Breakers in Intimate Relationships

Episode II: 10 Deal Breakers in Intimate Relationships

5. Substance Abuse

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Although, support from a partner has been identified as one of the ways of helping people with addiction overcome the habit. Sticking with a partner who is deep into substance abuse and who has refused to seek help or lying about their abuse or not putting in enough effort to quit the act, can threaten the stability of the relationship and in some cases, the life of the other partner. Substance abuse could be alcohol, drug overdose or hard drugs; they can affect the mental health and life of the consumer and can make them violent. This has made some people made the choice of breaking off a relationship upon the discovery of any form of substance abuse. Some respondents also mentioned health risks, irrational behaviours and suicidal tendencies as likely reasons for making it a deal breaker in their relationships.

6. Stuck up with Ex

This is indeed a big turn-off for most people. While it is OK to learn from past relationships, it is necessary to drop every old and heavy baggage from previous relationships and move on to the present on a fresh slate. It is difficult to have to share your special moments with the intrusion of your partner’s ex’s name or actions always popping up (un)intentionally.

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Dealing with someone who is still stuck up in their past and speak with high emotions (positively or negatively) about their ex is one strong red flag that signals some sort of attachment to the past and an unhealthy competition between the past and the present. Most participants of the online survey disclosed that communication with one’s ex could rekindle the old flame thereby, resulting into cheating on their current partner, so, to avoid such heartbreaks, they (respondents) considered being stuck up with one’s ex a deal breaker.

7. Lack of Courtesy

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This not only means lack of manners but also lack of politeness, consideration and respect for others. Common courtesies in relationship include asking, listening, complimenting, appreciating, apologising and others. It involves words like ‘thank you’, ‘I’m sorry’, ‘please’, ‘excuse me’ and ‘may I’ among others. As simple as these words sound, they can quench a storm. In recent time, courtesies are gradually becoming uncommon in intimate relationships as some partners interpret being courteous as weakness while some hide behind the excuse of ‘you should know I mean to say it by my actions’. It takes two to tango, being considerate and doing to your partner only what you would expect them to do to you (the golden rule) help to keep you in check. Not getting back same energy put into a relationship can be frustrating, draining and a huge NO-NO to many, hence, they avoid a boor like a plague.

8. Unintelligent or Unteachable

                   

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It is one thing to be ignorant and willing to learn, it is another thing to be ignorant and unteachable or be a wisenheimer. An I-know-it all or I-am-always-right kind of lover can be a huge turn-off as this can result in constant arguments and confrontations. Similarly, participants described closed mindedness and/or too proud to learn or be corrected as deal breakers. In the opinion of some participants, their partners should have some level of knowledge in a field of study or business area and be able to hold intelligent conversations on general issues. Close-mindedness here could mean strong opinions or biases against people based on their religion, sex, race/ethnicity, disablility and social class among others. Such people are usually resolute in their decision and are not open to other suggestions or information that may make them reconsider their stance or see things from others point of view. Lastly, is a smart-aleck who thinks (s)he is too intelligent to learn from others, such partners would rather put the blame(s) on their partner or others than take responsibility when things go wrong. Some sure tactics they use are turning the table around to favour them via manipulation or argument and, playing the victim, this can really put the other person off especially when it is done frequently. Those who don’t have the strength to handle such dramas would rather run away from such partners than tolerate them.

9. Over-Possessive, Jealous and Obsessed

         

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Everyone craves for partners who would love and cherish their company but having one who is too possessive, controlling and obsessed with their love for their partner can be pretty scary. An over-possessive, jealous, controlling and/or obsessed partner is one who monitors your movement, hacks into your social media accounts/phone and always want to be in the know about your every breathe so (s)he can decide who you talk with, where you go to and what you do. They feel insecure and suspect every step taken is geared towards leaving them or cheating on them, they may go as far as blackmailing or threatening to commit suicide or murder if you leave them. This is unhealthy as such partners can abuse, manipulate or harm you or others because of their jealousy, over-possessiveness or obsession with you.

10. Too Lazy or Over-Ambitious

             

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A slothful partner is a total turnoff anytime. No one wants to be around people who sleep and lazy around while others are busy. This could be in terms of being unproductive, unhygienic, uncreative or sluggish especially if such a partner aside being all of these, is also wasteful and/or demanding. A lazy partner would rather always sleep, watch TV, eat, be on social media, shop, party or hang out than engage in any thought provoking or productive discussion or activity.

           

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On the other hand, some think an over-ambitious partner may sacrifice the relationship for his/her career. One whose first love is his/her career/business and would put in more than required time, energy and resources to get to the peak of their career/business at the expense of their relationship/family as the case may be, can pose a threat to the peaceful existence of the relationship, especially, if the other partner is one who values quality time, family and attention. While this may not be much of a problem to some, it is a deal breaker for others. Hence, it is important to discuss your life goals, ambitions and future with your partner at the early stage so as to determine if your goals are compatible.

Researchers have established that deal breakers have a stronger effect on relationship intentions than deal makers. All in all, there are many deal breakers which varies from person to person, and they change or are reshaped in the course of our lives as a result of our experiences and exposure. While some can be worked on, others are just too deep rooted to be ignored or managed, therefore, ensure you are not as guilty as the other person, after all; he who comes into equity must come with clean hands. Communicate with and get to know your partner to a reasonable extent before you promise forever to each other.

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N. B: Kindly read previous episode of this topic and other popular articles from this blog. Just click on any of the posts below. Thank you.