How to Tell a Stale Friendship

How to Tell a Stale Friendship

Source: Arre

Comfort Umoren-Olorunnisomo

Friendship is sweet when there is a two way flow and balanced communication. It is fun when you have that person(s) you can comfortably be you around and not get judged; one you can hang out with, laugh with, share secrets with and trust him/her to always have your back and tell you the truth regardless. Sometimes, friendship goes sour and since there are no laws stating that friendship must last forever, it should be seen as part of life. Friendship wears out for many reasons ranging from distance, change in social class/status, jealousy, change in values, new friends, betrayal and more.

In some cases, there is a gradual wear and tear of the friendship tie that while one is still waiting, assuming and still contacting the other hoping to receive a quick response as before, the other has given up and moved on to other things. This can be both frustrating and annoying especially when there was no misunderstanding between you two. Here are some tell-tale signs signalling when to stop flogging the dead horse in your relationship with a friend.

Too Busy to Say Hi or Respond to Your Messages/Calls

Source: Ishouldhavesaid.com

When a friend who would check up on you (via call, text, visit or social media) or respond a message immediately suddenly becomes too busy to do all of these, this could mean they are no longer interested in the friendship. Silence is in itself an answer. However, it is important to first check if they are going through a difficult time with some issues such as motherhood, marriage, a breakup, illness, loss of job/slow business, a new job, an exam, relocation or death of a loved one, as these could be the reason(s) behind their sudden change in behaviour. If none of these is the case and when you ask, they keep coming up with excuses and apologies still without improvement, then its time you re-evaluate your friendship with them.

Contact You Only When They Need Help

Everyone needs help sometimes but when one party contacts the other only when we need help, it means they are only loyal to their need of you not you as a friend.  When a ‘bestie’ hardly contact or hang out with you but do so only when they need your advice/suggestion or help with something after which they disappear again only to reappear when next they need you, it is time for you to pack up and leave such friendship in the trashcan especially if they ca count on you but you can’t say the same of them.. Friendship is a give and take relationship where each is happy to give to the other and be there for each other one way or the other, when it is only one party giving and making all the sacrifices to keep the friendship alive, it is a sign that the other person is not committed to the bond and cares less if it dies or lives.

Give Only Negative Vibes

Source: Wikihow

Being around people with negative energy has a way of infecting those around them. Friends who see everything wrong in what you do and find a way to see loopholes in your happy moments and successes may not be comfortable with your happiness even when they know you are legit. One who frowns when you are happy and attacks or doubts your abilities cannot be trusted to have your back when you are down. Lets not mix it up with constructive criticism from friends who mean well and criticize to make us better as it is quite different from one who is always criticizing and almost never finds anything good when it comes to you especially talking you down or making you feel you don’t deserve something good or they should be the ones getting those things not you. Sometimes, this is breed out of secret jealousy or subtle dislike which in the long run may lead to stronger negative feelings. It is only safe to quit such friendship while you can.

When They Hardly Appreciate Your Effort

Saying thank you for little things given/done gives way for more. When we go the extra mile to pay little or huge sacrifices for close friends and they go unnoticed and unappreciated, it can make the heart grow weary. If this act is a common behaviour from one you consider a bosom friend, then it is time to re-examine the current state of your friendship. If this is a new trait you just noticed in your friend, try to have a conversation with him/her and observe things for a while before concluding, if it continues then it’s time to take that break.

Friendship is not a do or die affair. It takes two committed people to make a friendship blossom, but when that friendship vibe goes sour and the other party is not ready to invest as much to revive it, then its best to divert your energy and time into other things or persons. Place value on yourself and relate with people who know your value and values you as much as you value them. Invest and hold on to friendships you know are worth every bit of it and not the ones that would drain you psychologically and physically. know when it’s time to turn the page and when it’s time to close the book. Know you and KNOW your ‘friends.’

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