3 Relationship Habits that Can Be both Healthy and Toxic

 3 Relationship Habits that Can Be Both Healthy and Toxic

Source: RelRules

Comfort Umoren-Olorunnisomo

No man is an island. The human nature craves for companionship, everyone wants to love and be loved hence the need for relationships, especially intimate relationships. Some relationships can be considered toxic and others, healthy, this is determined by attitudes and habits exhibited by parties involved. However, a healthy habit when done in excess can be termed toxic and a toxic habit to one may be healthy to another. For instance, loving a partner excessively can result in obsessive tendencies and flattery may be both healthy and toxic depending on the context, issue and individuals involved. Let’s look at 3 relationship habits that are healthy but toxic if not controlled.

  1. Conflict Resolution

It is important to be able to resolve conflicts as a couple without the interference of a third party. While this is encouraged, it should also be noted that not all conflicts must be resolved especially immediately. Sometimes, in their bid to resolve issues, we end up escalating it and creating new and bigger problems. This can put a strain on the relationship and cause partners to drift further apart; it can also be energy consuming, lead to unhappiness and stress. Some issues are better left unresolved especially those that can be overlooked and tolerated else, it is perceived as nagging or you trying to impose or change the other to suit your desires.

Source: Family Today

A relationship researcher, John Gottman in one of his work submitted that most successful marriages have persistent unresolved issues while unsuccessful ones try to fix every issue that arises because they believe there shouldn’t be any form of disagreement in their relationship. So, in order not to compound issues, seem like a nagging partner or put unnecessary and avoidable strains in your relationship, chose your battles wisely and resolve only issues that are worth the while.

  1. Flattery Versus Honesty

Complimenting your partner should never be replaced with flattery. While compliments are sincere admiration, flatteries are deceptive in nature. Some people would rather be with a partner that is honest with them than one that flatters them in order not to hurt them. It is important to be sincere in your words and actions with your partner but this must be done in a tactful manner. Flattering your spouse so as not to hurt them, may in the long run cause more damage and heartbreak when they eventually come to know the truth, which may make them doubt your love for them and every other truth you tell. This could be flattery in terms of looks, habits, personal hygiene and views on issues among others.

Source: Wrytin

Honesty on the other hand can be misunderstood as being insensitive if not done at the right time or in the right tone. Therefore, draw and know the thin line between compliments and flattery, honesty and harshness. Try as much as you can to be as sincere but tactful as possible. Emotional intelligence is key here as it helps you understand the mood, the how, the time and the setting. Flattery can once in a while be done to lighten the mood in certain light contexts; it is however, safer when your spouse can trust you to be honest in good and bad situations than for them to always feel you are flattering them even when you’re being sincere.

  1. Spending Time Apart

Companionship is one of the reasons for building a relationship. It is usually fun when you spend quality time with the one you love and sometimes, it can be intoxicating that you want to spend every second of the day with that person alone so much that we sometimes forget before we met that our partner, they had friends and loved ones who they spend time with and had their space. So while time with our partner is good because it makes the relationship stronger and helps both parties know and understand each other better, it can also be suffocating, tiring and distracting. Staying apart can be both a good and bad development in a relationship as both parties are refreshed, get the clarity and rest they sought for while being alone, become more focused and value each other more after the time apart but it can also destroy the existence of the relationship, create more vacuum and distraction, make them lose interest in the relationship as another may win them over during the time apart thereby weakening the cord that binds the relationship especially if the time apart is too long.

Source: Curbed

Travelodge in Moms (2019) conducted a survey among 2000 married couples and result from this study showed that 75% of respondents reported that spending time apart from their partner plays a huge role in the success of their marriage especially couples with children and those who work away from home.  Hence, when your partner say they want to spend some time apart, it doesn’t always mean they want a break up or they are tired of you or love you less but it could mean they want to hang out with others, clear their head, breath some fresh air, need their space to focus on some things, think things through or rest among others. Even as married couples, allow your spouse hang out with the boys/ladies, visit family members and sometimes stay alone if they desire it, the reunion in most cases makes the relationship stronger and better, after all, ‘absence’ they say ‘makes the heart grow fonder.’   



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