Understanding Your Partner’s Love Language


Source: Pinterest

Comfort Umoren-Olorunnisomo

Have you ever done what you think is enough for your partner yet they complain or doubt your love for them? Perhaps you are not speaking the love language they understand. Just like language, love language is a unique way of communicating your affection towards your better half, it is a way partners can express and experience love so each feels loved and appreciated. Using your own love language to communicate love to your partner may not be understood, appreciated, reciprocated and effective. It is important we observe, communicate and know our significant other’s love language and apply it appropriately in our relationship to spice things up and make that special one feel truly loved and appreciated. The five love languages as identified by Gary Chapman (1992) in his book, ‘The 5 Love Languages’ are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. No one of these languages is better than the other, as individuals have different personalities so does love languages differ from person to person. Understanding yours and your partner’s love languages helps in no little way in making your relationship bond stronger and creates an atmosphere for love to grow and a conducive environment for conflict to be resolved in your relationship. Let’s look at each of these love languages.

Words of Affirmation

Life and death lies in the power of the tongue. One powerful way to express love emotionally is via words. Words of affirmation as a language of love has various dialects some of which include compliments (not flatteries), sweet words, kind, appreciating, encouraging, inspiring, humble and positive words (Chapman, 1992). These words speak in volume, what we think of, how we feel about and respect our spouses and these make them feel appreciated especially for the little things they do such as helping out with chores, settling bills, cooking, checking up on us, charging our gadgets when we didn’t ask them to, helping out with the kids and cleaning the house among others. They can choose not to do these things but if they do, appreciate the gesture regardless of how little it is or whether it’s their responsibility or not. You could do this via spoken words, love notes, sweet text messages etc.

Source: Appreciation at Work

If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, strive to always remember words are important and make conscious effort to write down and speak more often some of the dialects of this love language identified earlier. You could start with first focusing on their strengths and complimenting them privately and publicly with a number of words of appreciation/compliments/encouragement or others as a goal each day until it becomes a part of you. For instance words like “I love you,” “thanks for clearing the bills/for the sumptuous meal,” and “that shirt/dress looks great on you” among others, go a long way in affirming our love and appreciation towards our better half.

Quality Time

This involves giving your undivided attention and time to your significant other. This is the time both of you spend talking, enjoying each other 's company, looking into each other’s eyes, walking, going out on a date, having fun, Just the Two of You! This special time should be void of other distractions like kids, social media/phone and others. People whose love language is spending quality time with their lover wants to be the centre of the other person’s attention, they want all the verbal and non-verbal forms of communication their partner can give during this time without any break in transmission from a third party or external factor. it is a time when you only have each other and should be each other’s topmost priority.

Source: Healthy Way

Regardless of your work schedule, distance or family size, endeavour to create more quality time with your spouse especially if that’s his/her love language. The quality of the time isn’t necessarily in how long but in how often, how memorable and the special effect it brings to your relationship.

The other three love languages will be discussed in subsequent episode. Watch out for it! Meanwhile, you can drop your questions and comments in the comment section below, we will be pleased to hear from you. Adios!!!

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