Understanding Your Partner’s Love Language II

Source: Plum


Comfort Umoren-Olorunnisomo

We have discussed two of the five love languages (words of affirmation and quality time). In this final episode, we will be looking at the other three which are receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch; and how they can help to ensure a smooth and stress-free relationship.

Receiving Gifts

Source: GirlsAskGuys

People in this group believe gift-giving is the best way to express love and affection and so, they value gifts and effort put in by their partners to get them gifts regardless of whether the gifts are cheap or expensive, tangible or intangible, big or small. This doesn’t mean they are materialistic or can be bought over by gifts; it is just their own way of wanting to be loved. They expect their better half to shower them with gifts not just only on special occasions but every time their lovers care to say or show them how much they love and value them. People with this love language can remember each gift their partners give them because each gift has its own impact and experience and stick in their memory (Gordon, 2020). This builds and maintains intimacy in the relationship.

Acts of Service

To this set of people, engaging in activities/actions that show kindness towards them or helping them to do things genuinely can melt their heart a million times over than gifts or words. The likely slogan for these Individuals is “actions speak louder and better than words or other forms.” They appreciate it when their spouse go all the way out to sacrifice their time and effort to do things for them such as cooking a meal, doing the laundry or dishes or other little but nice things to help them out and make them feel comfortable and appreciated.

Source: Nairaland Forum

If your partner falls in this group, doing things out of obligation or grudgingly may cause more problems than pleasing them. As they go all out to do these and more acts of service for their partners and others, they expect same or even more from their partners without them asking for it. Learn to surprise them with some acts of service such as serving them breakfast in bed, washing the car or helping them do other little things they usually engage in that may stress them, it could even mean joining them to do these things

Physical Touch

Massaging, holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling and other forms of physical contact are primary ways people whose love language is physical touch, prefer to be loved. To this category of persons, they want to be close and stay close to their partners physically. In some cases, they enjoy Public Display of Affection (PDA) and may feel secured and special when their partners engage in such.

Source: e-Motions

The absence of physical touches from their spouse may make them feel isolated, rejected, unloved or unwanted. They draw their safety, comfort, security and affection in a relationship from their partners’ touches. If your partner’s love language is physical touch, it means they want to feel you close to them physically and not just the gifts or words.

In summary, it is important to observe and understand each other’s love language, not that it would solve all the problems in your relationship, but it can make the relationship smoother and resolving conflicts easier. As put by a Doctor of family relations and applied nutrition at the University of Guelph, Robin Milhausen in Earley (2020), “knowing your love language can be one of the single most important things in a relationship. Without this knowledge, you can miss that your partner is being loving and caring and this can result in a vicious cycle of resentment that can ultimately lead to a breakup.” Trying to express love to your significant other via your own love language will only create more problems as the more you try to make the other person feel loved using the wrong love language, the more s/he drifts away and doesn’t reciprocate, thereby, straining the relationship bond. Put in effort to identify what makes you feel loved and communicate it with your spouse even as you also discover that of your partners. Using each person’s love language to communicate with them breeds intimacy, empathy and selflessness as each strive to constantly express and ensure the happiness of the other.

However, it is important to note that the 5 love languages are not limited to only intimate relationships but can also be applied in parents-children relationship, friendship and other types of relationship.

Thank you for reading!

Kindly share with friends and loved ones and please drop your comments and questions in the comment section below, we would love to hear from you.


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